What happens when the woman who always copes… can’t anymore.

So normally I write these blogs sitting outside in a nice shady spot, in the garden or a nice cafe with a good vibe… You know the ones. I find writing quite therapeutic if I do it right, and I guess that’s true for this month too, but this time I am sitting on an uncomfortable sofa, inside. It’s different! I’m inside because the heat hurts my skin as I am in the middle of quite a severe reaction to some antibiotics that I was put on because of a respiratory infection, which, according to the doctor, I had on top of the flu. I am very pleased to tell you that the infection has since healed, the flu is gone, and I am left with a VERY itchy rash covering about 95% of my body, and about half of the rash is complete with teeny tiny little blisters. I also have a UTI (apparently common with antibiotics … and yes, that area is included in the amount covered in an itchy rash!). Needless to say, I am fed up, after taking care of three kids with various combinations of the flu and respiratory infections alone, while I had both myself and in a last resort, to help myself ended up here. 

As most of my audience will relate, I treated all of this as an annoyance, an unlucky chain of events, something to manage efficiently and then move past and to be honest, it’s a good job I can do that because with my husband away… I didn't have much of a choice! I’m very good at functioning in less-than-ideal conditions. I’ve built a life, a career, and a reputation on exactly that skill and it serves me well. However, it is in these reflective moments that I realise a few things: 

--> Illnesses last longer if you don’t rest. 

This has actually been proven (by smart science people!) and yet… we all still find a way to praise the undefeatable, punish the temporary deacceleration and quietly admire those who can override their limits the longest. 

--> However strong you think you are, you’re probably stronger. 

I have been waiting months, maybe even years to burn out and if last month you told me I was going to have an infection that makes it hard to breathe at the same time as a flu and then this mentally dibilitating rash to recover from, while my husband was away and two out of three kids will be sick enough to need you constantly and one of the kids won’t get any of it so will have more energy that the rest of you put together and want entertaining… I would have laughed and said it would kill me. Well, here I am… not dead! I think it’s a woman thing but no matter what, we find a way. 

--> Acceptance is not the same as being intentional

There might not be a choice in accepting how life is sometimes, but it shouldn't make it any less intentional. I realised over the last two weeks living in my very own shit-show, just how easily I ignored just how hard it was. Just because you can cope with something doesn’t mean you or anyone else should want that for you. 

I make a living out of helping people understand themselves better: their behaviour patterns, their decision making, their limits and their natural resistances, and yet it took being covered head to toe in an itchy rash, barely sleeping, and functioning on stubbornness alone to notice how quickly I’d normalised my own discomfort. Not dramatically. Not bravely. Just… efficiently. Which, I suspect, is how most of us do it.

So this month, I’m not taking a lesson from any of this. I’m just taking note:
1. That I’m stronger than I think.
2. That I’m more willing to tolerate discomfort than I realise.
3. And that the woman who always copes doesn’t need fixing.

She just needs, occasionally, to be paid some attention… preferably before she’s covered in blisters. And, if there is anything I wish for you to take away from this months blog entry it;s this:

Notice yourself. Notice the people around you. Notice how easily we all adjust to things that are actually quite hard, and remember:  just because you can cope with something, doesn’t mean you should want that for yourself.